Dear Match.com

Dear Match.com -

I know there are 13 people who have emailed me. I understand that your members take the service seriously, and that I should really email them back.

But guess what? Each of the 13 people that emailed me? They all suck. Sorry, truth hurts. But I signed up for your little service with the hopes that maybe — MAYBE — maybe I’d find somebody who was on my level.

Three months of incessant winking and dozens of emails later, I have felt NO reason to pony up the loot for a membership. Well, there’s one guy who might be worth something, but he’s divorced, so …

Look, don’t guilt ME because your members suck. If you get someone who hasn’t responded to anyone’s emails … maybe that’s because they’re in high demand. Maybe you should comp them a membership.

Yeah, I’m cheap, so what. But if you’re so worried about the 13 losers who are waiting for an email back from me, maybe you should give me a free membership.

Love,

Me.