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Protected: Yale Alumni Magazine > November / December 2007 Class Notes

2007.11.30 @ 13:33

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Eye-muffs

2007.11.30 @ 13:26

I know I risk revocation of Nietzsche’s Liberation Seal by admitting this:  I still cringe a little bit when I think of what I said to a recruiter for The Competing Bank.

“So, does this sound like something that would interest you?” he asked.

I was huddled over my phone but somehow channeled a Vince Vaughn - Christopher Sandeman character. “Well, I can’t lie to you, it does.”

He laughed. I laughed. And then the alien voice kept talking, boldly. Loudly. I leaned back in my chair, put a foot up on my desk.

“I mean, I could lie, but it would be pretty obvious.”

I never heard back from the recruiter, which is fine, as The Competing Bank’s HQ was in one of the Carolinas. But I still remember that false tone my voice took. What am I doing? I thought the moment I hung up the receiver. That’s not me.

Sparkly, like a holiday.

They stand out like fingerprints on clean glass, these off notes, these moments (weeks!  years!)  of not-being-me. They’re imprinted in my mind and when I think back to them, I want to close my eyes, cover them with eye-muffs. Sometimes I am mimicking a friend or a relative, other times a pop culture character. Sometimes I am just trying to be whoever I think “they” want me to be.

I’m getting better at noticing when I’m not being myself, but I suspect this is something that takes practice and time. And maybe there’ll always be backsliding. And maybe it’s okay that now and again I tap into my inner Vince Vaughn.

I think it helps to have referees who blow their whistle on me when I start acting like an asshat. My friend Rachel, for example, can always be counted on for this. And my friend Eric, who in his fifty-PLUS years of living has a keen eye for inauthenticity, is proving to be excellent counsel is this regard, too.

But ultimately, I’m the only one who can tell if I’m faking something or playing some role. And the responsibility falls on my shoulders to keep it real, and keep the need for eye-muffs at a minimum. To remind myself that integrating all of me is a-okay, and that I do not need to pretend to be someone else, and that the person “they” want me to be is … me.

But while it’s nice to talk the talk, the point is to walk the walk. Yes?

Which, naturally, brings me back to my earlier point. Man’s downfall: the wheel!

I only bought those tires ’cause dad wanted me to

Alright, alright. So I don’t really believe that. But I think that, like all technologies, when we came up with the wheel we did not quite know what we were getting into. (I’m not yet done with the wheel topic. More later.)

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2007.11.30 @ 06:21
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2007.11.29 @ 06:21
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2007.11.28 @ 06:21
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General Attorney

2007.11.27 @ 19:18

What I have always loathed is the lack of customer service built in to insurance companies.  They may act like they worry about user interface and customer experience, but seriously?  If insurance was treated like every other subscription product, it would totally get an F-.

So why is this?  Attorneys General get all up in arms and protect consumers from solicitous telemarketers, fine print in junk mail, and magazine-subscription-attempts-gussied-up-with-sweepstakes-offers.  But why no rules regarding shady insurance companies who say “Oh, sorry, you didn’t fill out in this form within 90 days; nevermind that it took us 88 days to send you the form to begin with.” ?  Why no upfront disclosure that therapists are only allowed to charge $75 an hour, and anything north of that comes out the patient’s pocket and doesn’t go towards your annual deductible?  And why all the ugly-ass forms?  If I have to look at that shit I want a well-considered layout, some sans-serif fonts, and a damned soy ink for crying out loud.

So I’m pissed off!  I think we need not an Attorney General, but a General Attorney.  One with large guns, a tank, and a bayonet to place firmly in the chunky bellies of insurance companies.

But in the meantime?  I guess I’ll have to buy some of their stock.

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Phony

2007.11.27 @ 18:38
  1. I need to get a land line.  ???  What are the options these days?  I loathe the obnoxious Optimum rapping nastiness ads and refuse to do whatever it is they’re barking at me.
  2. I need to start carrying makeup in my work bag.  ???  What the heck do I put in there?  What do you ladies put in your handbags?  So cornfusing.
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2007.11.27 @ 06:18
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The wheel is the source of all evil! Discuss.

2007.11.26 @ 19:24

I’ve been turning over the idea that the wheel’s exacerbated man’s downfall, that we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in had that blastedly useful device never been invented.  I’ll explain more — you can put your rebuttals into my comment box right now — but I think Marty Van Buren had it right when he was bitching about trains:

The Almighty certainly never intended that people should travel at such breakneck speed.

Damn straight, Martin!  Damn straight!

Curiously, this quotation appeared by an ad for the Discover Network within Cards & Payments magazine.  Underneath the quotation was:

Martin Van Buren, complaining about railroads traveling 15 mph, 1830

Wow, so it’s the railroad that does the actual traveling?  That’s interesting.

I’m tabling my rant against the wheel for now but expect it soon.  (Soon as I finish off this Big Mac.)

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2007.11.26 @ 06:19
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